The recipe for winning a child custody case is to be a good parent, not do stupid things that will hurt your case, highlight problems with the other parent, and hire an experienced attorney who is good in the courtroom.
The legal standard that courts use for deciding a child custody case is “the child’s best interests.” It is not which parent is the biggest piece of crap. A winning child custody case emphasizes what is good about a parent and why he or she can provide the best home for a child. So, it seems obvious that you can win your custody case by being the best possible parent you can be.
Be the Parent the Judge Wants to See
Make it clear that you want your children to have a good relationship with the other parent. At soccer games, make sure the kids are comfortable going to talk to or sit with the other parent or his or her family.
You can really help to win your child custody case by avoiding doing stupid or mean things that make you look bad.
- Tell the complete truth to your attorney and do not hide damaging information.
- Tell the truth in court. Do not exaggerate.
- Be willing to say good things about the other parent and give him or credit for having some good qualities.
- Do not record your children. You can record the other parent if you are part of the conversation and you can do so secretly if needed.
- Do not talk badly about the other parent.
- Do not send mean, profane, condescending, or controlling messages to the other parent, and do not go overboard with long, repetitive communications. Watch what you say.
- If ever there was a time to follow the “Golden Rule” and treat the other parent the way you want to be treated, it is during child custody litigation. Of course, that is how a good parent should behave all of the time. Do the right thing even if the other parent will not. Be nice even when the other parent is not.
- Be involved with your children and know the names of their teachers, doctors, and dentists.
- Attend the kids’ activities and know their friends and the parents of their friends.
- Have fun with your children and really get to know them.
- Document your parenting: keep a calendar, take photos, save school communications and appointment records.
- Problems with drugs, alcohol, mental illness, or concerning sexual behavior need to be addressed. If the other parent has those problems, evidence of those issues needs to be gathered and presented. If you have had any major problems of that kind, your problems need to be admitted and openly discussed so that they can be addressed.
- If you have made mistakes, admit them and show the judge you have learned from your errors.
- Be careful about introducing new love interests to your child and ensure that step-parents stay within their roles and do not act like they are trying to replace the other parent.
- Cooperate with your lawyer and paralegals. Respond to messages and promptly help with answering discovery requests.
- Consider seeing a counselor to help you deal with the stress and emotions of a custody case. A counselor can help you to be a better parent if you are open to suggestions.
- Stop using illegal drugs. Be moderate in your alcohol use.
- Lastly, take care of yourself. Exercise, eat healthy, and find appropriate ways to deal with stress. You will be a better parent and a better client and witness in court if you are healthy and your head is screwed on right.
Courts want to know that a child placed primarily with you will be safe, supported, and well cared for. Witnesses who know you personally and have observed you parenting — neighbors, coaches, teachers, family members — can reinforce your credibility. The child’s therapist is often the most powerful neutral voice in a custody case.