Despite their parents' worries, most children do okay after their parents get divorced. Therapy for the child can be helpful even if the divorce is amicable. An experienced Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) can help children adjust to a new family life. However, therapy is essential if the parents are fighting, it is a bitter custody case, one parent is acting badly, or there are concerns about mental illness or addiction.
Three Vital Functions in a Custody Case
In disputed child custody cases, a therapist can perform three vital functions:
- Supporting the child: Most importantly, the therapist helps the child understand what is happening and deal with the stress of a family coming apart. The primary goal is a happy, healthy child — a good therapist can help achieve that.
- Helping the parents: The child's therapist can help parents understand what problems the child is experiencing and how to deal with the sadness, anger, misbehavior, and questions every kid has about a divorce. Often the therapist can also help a parent avoid behavior that is harmful or confusing to the child.
- Serving as the child's voice in court: The child's therapist can testify about what the child wants, what behaviors by the parents bother the child, and how the child is being harmed by what a parent says or does. Unlike a parent repeating what the child said (which is hearsay), a licensed therapist can usually testify as to what the child told the therapist. The therapist is a neutral professional and can be a very powerful witness in court.
Choosing the Right Counselor
A Licensed Professional Counselor is a mental health professional licensed by the state and allowed to charge fees for sessions. The child's school may have a person called a "counselor," but that person serves a very different function and cannot provide therapy. Church-based counselors may be helpful but it is best to use a licensed professional counselor experienced in divorce and custody situations.
It is very important to find a really good, experienced counselor. Your health insurance will usually have lists of approved counselors in the area. The attorneys at Enos Family Law will recommend local counselors who are very good with children in divorce cases and who can handle themselves in court if needed.
Attorney Greg Enos's Advice About Counselors
- Find a good counselor first, then check insurance coverage — but run the name past your lawyer first.
- At the first meeting, emphasize that you are seeking help for your child to cope with the divorce. Do not say you need a witness for your court case.
- Be careful not to come across as too negative about your co-parent. Focus on your child's challenges.
- Do not question your child about what he or she said in counseling, and do not coach your child on what to say.
- Let your attorney deal with the counselor about court appearances and subpoenas.
Confidentiality note: The confidentiality a child is made to feel with a counselor is ultimately an illusion in litigation — a counselor can be subpoenaed to share notes and testify in court. Counselors are also required to report abuse or neglect.